Who are the Massive Beasts?
The Massive Beasts are a group of early-30something buddies from way back in their days at Douglas High School in the sprawling urban population center of Box Elder, South Dakota. During the years of 1986-1992, they could be found roving the plains of western South Dakota in acid-washed jeans, black tennis shoes, hair-metal T-shirts and very bad haircuts. The new-millennium version of these dapper gentlemen are presented here, in no particular order:
- Brad: A software engineer who somehow finds time to visit sunny vacation spots every couple of weeks (it seems, anyway) with his lovely wife Sarah, Brad is a force to be reckoned with in fantasy sports leagues. His love of University of Missouri sports teams leaves him frequently heartbroken as they inevitably underperform. He’s also a pretty damned good cook.
- Rob: A dedicated insurance-company worker and student who has spent twice as much time in college as Tommy Boy and Van Wilder combined, Rob is a rabid fan of University of North Carolina athletics. A folksy charmer whose friendly demeanor is matched only by his booming laugh, Rob is quite proud of his North Carolina heritage. If you’ve known Rob for five minutes, you’ve known he was a North Carolinan for four and a half of those minutes.
- Steve: An attorney by trade who gave up the law profession for a work-from-home gig with Josh’s advertising agency, Steve enjoys dogs, children, time alone with his wife, angry swearing tirades and Miller Lite. He’s terrified of spiders and celery, and, along with Brad, is also a good cook. He enjoys playing Guitar Hero II, but is vastly inferior to Cody and Josh at this game.
- Cody: A former newspaper circulation director who also works full-time for Josh’s agency, Cody loves music, Guitar Hero II and snuggling with his disfigured wiener dog. When he isn’t working shirtless in the yard fighting the always-present threat of a kudzu invasion, he’s probably gambling somewhere. Anywhere.
- Josh: Back in Rapid City 15 years after leaving for college, Josh owns StraightForward Media and employs some highly suspect individuals (see above). A married father of two small children, he spends far too much time watching Dora the Explorer and the Backyardigans. He is not a good cook, but is much better than Steve at Guitar Hero II. Probably not as good as Cody, though.
Email Josh (I probably can't win, but I'm still trying like hell.)
21 Responses to “Who are the Massive Beasts?”
1 Mirana Randrianjanahary 13 December 2006 @ 3:13 am
Hi Josh,
hope you feel good at this moment. I am a Malagasy people, also I have had too a massivebeast problem before. My weight were 90 kg and now 65 kg’ I had lost 25 kg in three months. I had been in diet on 3 months ago. My main meal are rice with fish or meat(without sauce) , but no fat. My diet secret is “not to take neitherlunch nor snack but I take a normal dinner and breakfast. So I advise you to try my diet.
Good luck.
Mirana
2 The General 13 December 2006 @ 11:26 am
Hey Mirana — thanks for the kind words. I’m feeling pretty good halfway through week 2. I’ve been keeping my calories between 1700-1800 per day, but too much of them are carbohydrates. I’m not much on skipping meals, but I do have some fish at home that I sometimes forget is in the lower drawer of my freezer. I’m going to try putting that on an English muffin for variety.
Thx for posting! Hope you follow our progress.
3 Kait 20 December 2006 @ 3:04 am
Good Luck Guys! I think what you all are doing is awesome. I myself went from 175 to 135 in 2 years. I lost almsot 4 sizes, and it felt so good to finally be able to get dressed without having to be so self-sonscious. But as, the holidays are coming on, I already feel like I’ve packed on another 10. I’m going to do the contest with you! haha, I will record my own weekly weigh-ins and make sure I check this site every day for inspiration!!
4 The Captain 20 December 2006 @ 6:55 am
That’s exactly the kind of thing we’re looking for! Well, that and to melt some lard off our our unsightly frames.
Good luck to you too, Kait. Keep us updated on how you’re doing.
5 The Pirate 20 December 2006 @ 7:57 am
Feel free to toss some much needed advice our way as well. It always helps to hear from people who have done this before.
6 The General 20 December 2006 @ 1:14 pm
Right on, Kait. Congrats, and send good vibes our way. Anyone who’s dropped a 40-spot before can have my attention any day.
7 Kait 20 December 2006 @ 10:12 pm
Well, today I went without cookies (my ultimate weakness) so I suppose that’s a start! thanks guys, i’ll need it too!
8 Anonymous 14 January 2007 @ 1:52 am
This site is absolutely hilarious.
STAY STRONG MY MEN, STAY STRONG.
9 The General 14 January 2007 @ 8:46 pm
Pretty rock solid so far, anonymous. Thx!
10 Ny 23 January 2007 @ 2:45 pm
I stumbled onto your site and thought “This is cool”. I’m in the process of losing weight (13 lbs so far) and have found that mycalorie-counter.com is a big help. It keeps track of your calories taken in and burned and tons of other stuff. Good luck. Love the pictures!
11 The Captain 23 January 2007 @ 3:08 pm
Thanks Ny, and congrats on what you’ve lost so far — feels good, doesn’t it? And you didn’t even have to embarrass yourself by putting half-naked pictures of yourself all over the internet like we do! At least I assume you didn’t…
We add new pictures every Tuesday, so keep checking back.
12 Ty 25 January 2007 @ 5:32 pm
I love the site. I’m also trying to drop a few pound and have found that skipping meals is not helpful. What has been working for me is to start the day with a high protein breakfast (usually a breakfast burrito made with 2 eggs and some low-fat meat in a whole wheat tortilla) and then having a protein based snack a couple of hours later. I also have a protein based snack a couple hours after lunch. Raw almonds are great for those snacks. Keep eating every few hours (small portions) and you will keep your metabolism burning that fat away!
13 The Captain 25 January 2007 @ 6:51 pm
Good info, Ty. Also, you can sub those eggs with egg beaters for a good meal too! Keep checking back and posting — we love to hear input and we can never get enough of it. As a matter of fact, let us know periodically how you’re coming along.
Oh — I’ve been eating the almonds for over a month and just got rave reviews on my cholesterol. I never had it checked before, so I can’t be positive that it’s from the almonds, but they’re supposed to help raise the good cholesterol.
14 “Gremlin,” AKA “Retred,” AKA “Schlaaa” 1 February 2007 @ 8:30 pm
Top sight, fellows! I’m certainly tickled that I happened upon it. I remember you kids way back when… I’m glad to say that none of you has lost his sense of humor or unabashed candor. We thirty-somethings could all benefit from making healthy choices. Many of us former anorexic-type, thin folks could stand to lose a few excess fat globules these days. I wish you the best in your journey to fit-dom. I’m sending positive thoughts your way.
15 Kelly 2 February 2007 @ 11:20 am
I do have a tip for you guys that a lot of people tend to not realize or think about. Skipping meals is, of course, NOT a good idea, since you’ll be starving your body and will end up doing maximum calorie damage later on to make up for it. What I’ve found extremely helpful is to refrain from carbohydrates after 5pm, or, at the latest, 7pm. Protein and fat are fine at night, but excessive carbohydrates consumed that late in the evening are bad for you because your body has no time to burn them off, especially if you are not working out late at night. For me, it was simply cutting portions, eating 5 small meals a day (waiting 3-4 hours between each feeding frenzy), performing 30-45 minutes of exercise (alternating cardio and weights; MWF cardio, TRS weights, Sunday rest), and not eating carbs (only protein and veggies) after 5pm each day that caused me to drop 30 pounds in four months, going from 130 lbs. to 110 lbs. The hardest part of dieting (for me, at least) is shrinking your stomach by eating only until you are satisfied and then continually forcing yourself to eat only that decreased amount even when the food tastes so good that you could sit there for another three hours in engorgement heaven! Just remember you can always come back to the food later, and one of the most important credos: The purpose of spending $10 on that lunch is so that you will be full–NOT that you will finish everything on your plate (restaurants always serve you more than you really need, making it extra-hard to control yourself at meal time; thank you Americans and our Massive serving sizes)!!! Just take a to-go box and finish the rest later. You guys are making great progress so far! Sorry this post was so long…it was intended to be far shorter!
16 Kelly 2 February 2007 @ 11:49 am
Retarded typo in my last e-mail because I’m mixing work and blogging (a clearly lethal combination). I went from 135 lbs. to 105 lbs. Yay for math, typing, and multitasking skills…or lack thereof.
17 The Captain 2 February 2007 @ 12:37 pm
Kelly — thanks so much for the input and the motivation. Keep checking in on us — as we’re sure to entertain!
18 The Pirate 2 February 2007 @ 2:34 pm
Thanks for the support Kelly and Gremlin. As always, we seek to entertain. If we drop some pounds and avoid an early heart attack while doing it, so much the better.
19 Mike 17 February 2007 @ 4:45 pm
Just found your website today–inspiring! Keep up the good (and funny) work. Just to ring my own damn bell for a minute, I’m 6′2″, and went from 275 to 225 in 9 months. I’m back up to 250, but now have an extra incentive to get my ass back in the gym: keeping up with you guys!
20 Irene 2 March 2007 @ 2:50 pm
I laughed out loud at this website…you guys are too funny. I just moved to Michigan and miss my girlfriends in Illinois, which your friendship reminds me of… We are pros at making fun of ourselves while we support each other, too… Good luck you goofballs….
21 Bart 24 March 2007 @ 1:01 am
allright, when we were in high school, i always knew you tard-farmers were gonna be famous, but this… this is priceless. Listen, don’t tell anyone, but I too am engaged in a weight-loss program. I moved back to wonderful Box Elder last September, and have gained about 75 pounds since. I have discovered that in order to lose the love handles, I have to quit eating everything my mom cooks. And i stress EVERYTHING… Since I’ve been home, if it ain’t bolted to the damn floor, I been eatin’ it. I went on a homeless diet a few years ago, and was down to about a buck-fifty or so, but i don’t recommend it, sleeping arrangements suck. On a serious note, it’s good to see that you all have decided to do this, not only for the sailing vacation, but to lengthen your lifespan for yourself, and for your loved ones. Another good idea, for any of you that like wild game, elk meat is virtually fat free, and the taste can’t be beat. Good luck.
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